This is the second of a series of 4 posts we'll do on why Fertility Awareness-Based Methods (FABMs) of contraception are superior to artificial ones. We propose that FABMs are better for the body, your relationship, your self-empowerment, and your soul.
A reminder: if you're not aware, women are only fertile 5-7 days per month, and there are obvious physical indicators of this fertility. Only 4% of doctors are educated during medical school on the available methods by which this information can be used to avoid or achieve pregnancy, and what in indicates for the overall health of the woman (these methods are called Fertility Awareness-Based Methods). And finally, FABMs are NOT the same thing as the Rhythm Method (blog post on that here).
Your Relationship
I posit that clear communication, alignment of values, and respect are the 3 pillars of a good relationship. This is based on research, application in life, and some from my 2 years of marriage, so far :). I use these same 3 when I approach any discussion, whether that's at work, with extended family, or elsewhere in life. I have found tremendous success with this approach, I'm often solicited for advice on navigating hard conversations, I don't fear them.
Now, when we take these 3 pillars and apply them to our fertility, in order for this to work, us women need to be clear of what our body is indicating on a given day, and when a couple talks about her fertility status they know their shared values, and they may look something like: 1) whether or not they want a child at this time, 2) regular intimacy strengthens the marriage, 3) we honor our bodies. (Please don't come up with values right before sex… it's not the time).
A woman respects her husband by understanding her body, by clearly and truthfully communicating what's going on. A husband respects his wife by understanding the implication, honoring their shared desire for avoiding or achieving pregnancy. And together, they respect each other by engaging in intimacy that will be supportive of their values in their life, and at the time of her cycle.
If a husband and wife can do this, they literally can talk through anything. Finances, where to live, who should care for the children, how to parent, all these discussions become easier when you apply the pillars, and by necessity, have to practice the conversation in the bedroom.
Now a concept that I haven't fully developed yet, but like: A woman's fertility holds the future of her family. So does her husband's, but she carries and nourishes, and will likely be the primary source of care for her children day-to-day. The fertile time of the cycle is a time where a couple can dream about their future family, where they are reminded how incredibly special their child/children is/are, and how in the future they can make more varieties of their wonderful kids! For the families who are complete and no longer wish to conceive, they may use this time to reflect on their family and wonderful children and dream about the next chapter (after menopause, there's no cycle stuff to manage, that may be another reason the time is called the Golden Years).
I encourage you to shift your thinking from the limitations to the opportunities for unity in your marriage with context to the menstrual cycle.